Hello Sue,
I hope you don’t mind me writing. Right now, I’m just stuck.
My daughter is in 3rd grade, and she’s bright — really bright — but reading is such a battle. Every time we sit down with a book, she slumps in her chair, fiddles with anything nearby, and loses focus almost instantly. Sometimes she tries, but even then, she stumbles over words and gets frustrated. And when that happens, she just shuts down.
I’ve tried encouragement, rewards, taking breaks, and making it fun, but nothing really sticks. I don’t want to push her too hard, but I also don’t want to let it go. I can’t help wondering — is this just normal resistance, or is there something deeper going on?
How can I help her stay motivated, especially when it feels like reading is this impossible mountain?
Andrea
Hello Andrea
First of all, thank you for writing. You’re not alone. And your daughter isn’t the only child who’s ever wanted to bolt the moment a book appears.
Reading is complex — and for some kids, it can feel like a slow, frustrating crawl through molasses. And when something feels hard every single time, it’s no surprise they want to avoid it.
Here’s what I want you to know first: You are already doing something powerful — you’re noticing, you’re asking questions, and most importantly, you’re not blaming your child. That matters more than you know.
Let me share a story.
Years ago, I worked with a boy named Henry (not his real name). Reading time was his worst nightmare. He would drag his feet, sigh dramatically, and spend half the session “dropping” his pencil. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to succeed — he just didn’t believe he could.
But I noticed something: Henry loved dogs. So, for the next lesson, I brought him a short story about a dog. His eyes lit up. Was he suddenly a fluent reader? No. But he tried. He paid attention. He even smiled.
The key wasn’t a trick. It was a connection. When reading is built around something a child cares about, it shifts from “torture” to “tolerable,” and eventually to “I’ve got this.”
So yes, motivation matters. Start where she shines. Let her choose books. Read aloud together. Laugh. Make mistakes okay. Celebrate effort.
But here’s the second — and perhaps more important — part of the answer:
When motivation isn’t the only issue
I’ve seen this over and over again: Children labeled “lazy” or “unmotivated” when, in truth, their working memory, processing speed, or phonological awareness is holding them back.
These aren’t attitude problems. They’re real, measurable, and trainable brain functions.
If your child wants to read but constantly stumbles, forgets what she just read, or tires quickly, there may be a deeper challenge beneath the surface. This doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with her. It just means we need to understand how her brain is working and where it needs support.
That’s the beauty of an assessment — not to diagnose and label, but to illuminate the path forward.
Once you know what’s going on underneath, you can target it. And when reading becomes easier, motivation doesn’t need to be forced. It starts to grow on its own.
So keep the joy alive — but don’t stop there. Look deeper. Ask questions. Trust your gut. And remember, you’re not alone on this journey.
With warmth and respect,
Sue
More about Sue
Sue is an educational specialist in learning difficulties with a B.A. Honors in Psychology and a B.D. degree. Early in her career, Sue was instrumental in training over 3,000 teachers and tutors, providing them with the foundational and practical understanding to facilitate cognitive development among children who struggle to read and write. With over 30 years of research to her name, she conceptualized the Edublox teaching and learning methods that have helped thousands of children worldwide. In 2007, she opened the first Edublox reading and learning clinic; today, there are 30 clinics internationally. Sue treasures the “hero” stories of students whose self-esteem soars as their marks improve.
